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Archive for November, 2009

Hey folks,

I’ve been working on a few neat things lately, mostly putting together the nominee list for the 2009 Fork The Mainstream Awards to be given out before the end of the year! It’s a pretty neat award, it’s actually a golden fork on a Ramen Noodle Base. It’s gonna go to the very best musicians/artists/comedians that have submitted work to the Starving Artist’s Guide. More details and a list of nominees later this week.
Right now, I’m more concerned about the upcoming deaths of consumers that are absolutely hell-bent on getting a great “Black Friday deal.” Here’s the situation, as it unfolded last year:

Don’t let this be you! If you’re really interested in Black Friday deals, but don’t want to be trampled to death by crazed Zombie Consumers, check out http://bfads.net/ This site catalogs all of the Black Fridays Deals, and a lot of them are available for you in your PJ’s with a nice mug of coffee surfing the web. There are a couple of awesome ones, like an $80 10MegaPixel Camera that you’ll save $40 off the regular price. There’s also the website PropertyRoom.com in which you get great deals on seized items from Johnny Law. It’s pretty sweet, and I got a Cannondale Bike for $130 from it. Now that’s a deal. Not to mention, it doesn’t add to the overflowing garbage heaps all around us, which some call New Jersey. Just kidding!

Whichever way the wind blows, be safe this Holiday Season!

Johnny

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This winter brings the end of the first year that Starving Artist’s Guide has been up-and-running. We’ve heard some great music, some hilarious comedy and seen some awesome artwork, and even heard from a writer or two. The Forkies are an award that is coveted for it’s ability to be an award and a snack simultaneously. An actual forky happens to be a golden fork with a Ramen Noodle base. It’s given to artists that value substance over mainstream vapidness. Despite the fact that this year is the first ever for the S.A.G., the competition is intense. Users can vote online by spamming me for winners at StarvingArtistsGuide ((AT SIGN)) GMAIL (DOT) com. I have to spell it out like that so that no one can actually spam me. Click the link to hear/see their stuff.

And the nominees for the 2009 Fork the Mainstream Award are…

Best Singer Songwriter, Male

Jim Bohn for “Shelter From the Storm”

Alex Yacovelli for “Just Peachy”

Josh Weinstein for “Tennessee”

Alan Semerdjian for “Can’t Wait”

Best Singer-Songwriter, Female

Lachi for “Slow Down”


Rachel Lee Walsh with “Please Come To Brooklyn”

Laura Meyer with “The Ocean”

Erin Hobson with “Too Late”

Best Comedy Act


Kevin Prockup with “The Wine Song”

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Starving Artist Radio

Starving Artist Radio

The latest episode of Starving Artist Radio features music from singer-songwriter Rachel Lee Walsh with her song “Please Come to Brooklyn” and Brass Knuckles, by Jedi Nemesis as well as new music from Bowery Boy Blue and Lesser Lights. Johnny also talks about finishing his new book and more…Stream it below or get it in the iTunes store for free.

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The Dry Cleaner Myth

Lately, I’ve been posting some pretty weird but hopefully fun links, like the electric soda bottle and a funny one about “the Bodega,” which can still be found directly below. Another one that I’ll write about today in order to stave off actual “work” is the myth of dry cleaning. Fall is in full bloom and I recently took out my iconoclastic “orange lumberjack wool coat,” which I sport on both the back cover of the new book and as my facebook pic. It’s been in the closet for about 8 months and I finally felt the time was right to bring it out. To quote Dane Cook, “It smelled like it was dipped in a vat of piss.” Truth be told, I’ve never washed the thing. I bought it at a Salvation Army about two years ago, but the tag said “Dry Clean Only”. Being the Cheap Bastard I am, I never dry cleaned it. It started to make me feel icky a while ago, but I caved after I came home a week ago feeling like I was covered in slugs. I’m a pretty hygenic guy when it comes down to it–I do laundry once a week and generally keep a tight ship. But Dry cleaning is expensive.
That’s why I decided to hand wash it.
I found a bottle of “wool cleaner” below my sink and gave it the washing of a lifetime. For an investment of nada, or what would probably be $2 at the grocery store, I didn’t have to wait a week for dry cleaning and spend 10X the amount. It took two days to dry, as wool should, and it felt like a brand new coat!
So I know this is a gross story, but it ends happily ever after, with me in fresh threads and dirty no more.
Hopefully you can apply this story as fits in your life.
Keep Fresh, Keep Clean.
Johnny

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If you’re a starving artist like me, the electricity bill can end up taking a good portion of your paycheck. A few months back, I received an electricity bill for $500! I was outraged and called up Con Ed., and they told me that they were unable to get a proper reading because the meter reader guy couldn’t get access to the meter. It’s in the basement of my house, and a nice asian woman lives there, so I figured there had been a mistake. First off, it’s HARD to read the electricity meter. I went down once, only to call back and be told that I had read it incorrectly. I scoffed and forgot to do it, and meanwhile I still hadn’t paid the electricity bill. It took me a full two months to go back down and get the correct reading, and I finally called them up and still owed them $270 that I didn’t have…
I guess my point is that if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, you might want to check out the video below–A man figured out how to turn a 2L soda bottle into a 60Watt lightbulb that is free and never burns out. Pretty cool, right? I think I want to do it to my apartment.

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If this made you hungry, check out cheapassfood.com

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Hey folks,
I dropped the ball today–I didn’t get around to recording a podcast. Tsk, Tsk, I know. However, I did end up getting around to making the new book (ebook, at least) FREE on lulu.com by clicking this link. “What the hell are you thinking, Johnny?!” you might ask yourself. I will tell you what I’m thinking, Holmes, and that is that the more people to read it, the bigger and wilder things will become in my life. So why the heck not make it free?! It’s not like I’ve not had money before–IF you want to support me and buy it, it’s available here in good old-fashioned thinly- sliced tree-guts with jet-black ink pressed in very different patterns that coalesce into “letters” that form “words” that form “sentences” that form “paragraphs” that complete my “book,” which is then decoded by your brain to tell you a pretty sweet story of my life in New York City. You can check that out here for $13.99. I should get my copy in the mail tomorrow! Send me an email to starvingartistsguide@gmail.com with what you think of it!

I’ll try to have a podcast up tomorrow at some point.

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